Fear, Anxiety, Intimidation, are few of the traps one must avoid. This is a must because of many reasons. Fears allow the self to believe that there is insufficient quantity to pass the goal intended. Anxiety paralyzes the body to move forward. Intimidation creates the idea that one is unequal then another. Therefore these all fit into a category of unnecessary.

However, we live in a world where many are consumed by these traps. I would speculate to call them negative feedback loops. However, they get people stuck, and unable to move on, and the loop can consume someone's day. Therefore hope, rationality, and controversy must be brought to their attention. A person must find its weakness, the ability to defuse the bomb at hand. While the opportunity is provided to grow in more fear, anxiety, and intimidation, the person must find skill in passing through the difficult situation.

When I was a freshman in high school, I had a demeaning job of a paper route. I remember one day I was having a rough day at school, and afterwards I had to do a paper route. While I was peddling away up a sturdy hill, some musical words started simmering out of my mouth. I started to sing... "Open the eyes of my heart Lord, I want to see you!.... Open the eyes of my heart Lord, I want to see you!"

This season in my life has continue to challenge me in various ways. The anxiety has become overwhelming, and seemingly unbearable. However, the truth comes down to the fact that I need to trust God. I need to ask him to open my heart. That I may have a slight moment where I am able to see his strength and courage. It may be a moment where I feel at peace with my life, or a moment where God has got me excited to move forward. This I think answers the question at hand. What is the weakness of Anxiety? The truth is to embrace it and find humility in asking God for peace.

Peter walked on water, and so can I, and so can you.... whoever you are my reader. I hope this brought encouragement

Contentment

I want to argue something that might intially sound confusing. However, I will promise my hardest to explain the hypothetical dichotomy i am processing. Paul says in philippians 4:11, "for I have learned to be content." This is something i truly do struggle with. This idea of contentment seems to be something that i have not got a grip on.

I believe that this idea of contentment is something where you cannot believe that a particular circumstance will give you content. This is something Paul adds to the quote... "in all circumstances." Therefore we must have a foundational piece implemented in our lives to find this truly satisfying contentment. This foundational piece is our epistemology of Christ, and how he can be the only thing we depend on to find satisfaction.

I feel like this is something hard to grasp. Jesus should be the only person we depend on to find satisfaction. Call me hedonistic, but this world seems to offer many possibilities of how to find enjoyment. However, I do not think this is the right rebuttal, to refer to certain temporal objects, but to go further than that.

God created us in his image, and through that we find ourselves to be relational. This is part of the image of God, or what is called in the latin, imago dei. This then enables ourselves to explain some of similarities between humans and God. He lives in a relational community and God made us to be relational creatures. Now, getting back to my point, is how can I (or you) become content in the relational community God provides us?

This seems to be the epitome of where I find struggle and hardship. This meaning that I want contentment in the relational community where I am currently living in. There have been a couple handfuls of people I have truly had a blessing meeting for a small amount of time. I just then ponder, how do these relationships fit into the puzzle pieces of life. How much will that person be a part of my life?

The kicker to the dichotomy is that contentment is important, and we are relational beings, but how do we be content and not have regrets?

I believe I need to be aware of how God has provided me with a solid community, a group of guys willing to keep me accountable, mentors, and those who have great composure during my hard times. I want to find joy as I get the blessing of having individuals who are only "passer-byers." Those individuals who though it feels like you've known them forever, and share wisdom, and impact your life. That they may be people who God can help me be comfortable with walking onto a different area of life where I might not have so much contact.

This is truly a hard practical learning. But I know that this is probably not as much as a dichotomy, as it something that God is teaching me in my relational development.

Sitting on a fence

There are times where life feels like a crossroad. A point where there are many different options to pick from. This point in life can be quite a stumbling block. Even better, it is a point where its stressful to have the point, as well as stressful in making a decision. Those might sound synonymous however the truth is that finding peace and comfort in the decision is twice as difficult.

I have had many important crossroads in my life. For example, the decision that i had to make about staying in England or moving to the states when i was only 13. There was many different factors to consider, as well as it being stressful because God had clearly told me that i needed to make this decision.

I am continously curious behind meaning and purpose of everything in life. I even find myself contemplating the purpose behind simple things such as the timing of incidents. It can be quite a daydreaming consumption, lol! I have come to realize that God has given me the gift of thinking. You could reframe that gift, by just explaining that much of my personality is run through a motor of speaking through my thoughts. Thus, why i appreciate the aspect of blogging.

Therefore, as I find peace in this season of graduate school, i consider the many crossroads ahead. I pray that my decisions will be based on many important factors, not just the existential side of decisions. I find that many errors at times of decisions in my life are because emotions decided to override the decision-making process.

I hope that decisions that will make me a better person will be the ones where i have truly succeeded. It can always be discouraging when looking back you know you made a detrimental mistake. But I hope as i am maturing (through the lord's eyes) I will become a better person, maybe a pro at these crossroads. Crossroads can be difficult to evaluate, but with a guided spirit, a great sense of accountable community. These crossroads might start to get easier.

A Walmart Shopping Cart

Have you ever been in the middle of a conversation and had the urge to take a walk?

You are sitting contemplating how so many things are distracting you. You want to focus your attention on your friend's interaction. I was honored to have a close friend talk about many different subjects. This time was full of sharing pain, joy, confusion, and love which brough insight and wisdom.

So I bluntly asked... "Can we could go grab some items and Walmart?" and she responded "Yes!" This gave me the chance to walk, think, and continue to share our stories of recent events. I was astounded by how much care, compassion, and truth was offer in a such a small amount of time.

God has been working on my attitude of living in Arkansas. I continue to wrestle God so much about every opportunity provided here for me, and find moments where it seems that we have different agendas. However, my community around me has started to become more detailed and consistent. This has enabled me to let my guard down and allowed myself to connect more with those who are involved in the workings of my life.

Therefore I want to just say that God does not stop working on our lives. He will work on our lives until we hit the grave. This is hard to come to grasp because I think that I have worked on many difficult things in the past, and want God to so desperately give me the green light. However, he has work to be done, and that work is through me on various facets of my faith. This sounds big, but in the moment it truly is small.

Those moments have been small, but extremely difficult to understand what God is trying to teach me. I am growing in awareness of things that are not where God wants them to be. In addition, I continue to find myself using my own strength to get through these moments and God has open hands waiting like a sweet gentlemen to move these mountains in my life.

When that shift happens it is something so experientially rewarding. I cannot fathom the weight that has been lifted when I realize that Jesus is enough! He truly has the ability to reward me when he gives me an opportunity to conserve my energy for other important tasks than waisting them on frivolous anxieties. It has a residual effect. Basically this moment encourages God to figure out what needs to change, and allow me to focus on other opportunities that will bring me closer to him. This is satisfying and good for the soul.

I was reminded that my identity is found in God, nothing else!

Seriously I am his Child, and through that relationship I find peace and nothing else!

Furthermore, I am able to rest in his peace, and get to continue my rewarding relationship with Christ.

A Whale for Christmas

Merry Christmas to All! I think this has been an enjoyable experience being up in Iowa and spending a great time with the family. I am greatly honored to have such an incredible family who loves me so much, and are have great incredible souls. They are wonderful people and have so much potential to be greatly used in the kingdom of God. It is especially truly an honor to watch my siblings develop and walk in their faith.

However, at the end of such a festive weekend. I decided to watch one of my favorite clips in Finding Nemo which is when Dori tries to talk whale. It really reminded me of a couple important spiritual lessons.

1.) Sometimes Life has to be in the Whale. Both Dori and Nemo's Dad where confused about their predicament that lead them to being inside the whale. Life sometimes will takes us to uncomfortable places and we have to learn to trust that things are okay. Nemo's Dad did not feel comfortable and try so hard to get out that it actually created more stress.

2.) We have to listen even more when we are in the "Whale" of life situations. When Dori tells Nemo's Dad that he needs to let go, he asks, "how do you know that it wont be worse? Dori replys, "I don't know." When Nemo's Dad finally lets go, and just let life come at him. It is when things get better.

I have been trying so hard to put effort where effort is not needed, where the best thing for me to do is enjoy what is going on in my life and becoming content with the wonderful blessings that God has given me.

He has given me a great family! Praise the Lord

He has given me a great church family! Praise the Lord

He has given me a great set of friends, accountability friends, and mentors! Praise the Lord

He has given me a great place to live (and a soon to be place to live)! Praise the Lord!

He has given me a great job to work out! Praise the Lord!

Learning to be in the whale of life might be the hardest thing in life to learn, but i am still learning and listening hard for when God asks me to let go!

Led By Him

I think it would be appropriate to share a spiritual devotion I had today. It has been difficult for me to find the fresh fragrance of a devotional life that keep me coming back, but maybe today. I have been taking small bites of reading from various authors such as Erwin McManus, John Piper, Max Lucado, and others. However, it has still not penetrated deep to my heart as much as i had anticipated. However, today i found myself back at scriptures.

Many might think, oh yeah! That is where devotional life should be centered. This is quite the paradox, shouldn't every person who loves Jesus be coming back to scripture! I do use scripture for most of my ethical dilemmas, as well as spiritual decisions. However, my point is that for me i have been so polarized in the idea of trying to read so many books, that i lost interest in reading my bible. Sorry, but true. However, things changed today. I read Psalm 32, and what a blessing it was!

v.1 Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sin is covered. (NIV)

Thank You Lord! Thank you Lord for forgiving my failures. THank you Lord that you see past my selfishness and find mercy to forgive me.

v. 2 Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.

Lord Thank You for being able to give me a fresh new start even after I screw up, and make a mess of such a beautiful thing. It is such a relief to wake up to the spirit's attention, saying to me, "Okay, let's start again! Try to glorify me! Not Ephraim."

v. 4-5 For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heart of the summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover it up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord" - and you forgave the guilt of my sin.

What a wonderful blessing! Lord, I don't want to cover my sin. I beckon your spirit to forgive me, and remove the guilt in my life! i have been so apathetic, and lethargic. I have found an excuse upon excuse to allow sin to lay at bay. But Lord please! I ask as your humble servant! I ask that your big arms would push sin off the Island I live on, and may I break out and dance in your name because of your deliverance you bring in my life.

Some devotional thoughts and responses!

The End of 2010

Wow! The year is coming to an end and so much has happened this year.

I found this neat little component on Facebook, which takes all your statuses and put them together. There were some interesting ones from quotes of people who had affected me, to a status about a dear friend who was in the hospital, to me talking about how much i missed Raspberry Lemonade at Cheddars in Joplin, MO.

My life has never been boring, and probably will never be boring. It has been such a rollercoaster of ups and downs that reflecting back on the year is quite exhausting. However, I am still standing, and I have God to thank for that!

I said to him out loud in my apartment today, "I know you are here. I appreciate, you, Spirit, for being there watching me, making sure I am okay, and not running off to do foolish things." It is the spirit who has been there to bandage my spiritual wounds. It is the Spirit who has shouted loud when temptation has stood at the door. It is the Spirit who sends his guardian angels to guard my windows, doors, and protect my car. I might be a poor grad student who lives by himself, but I have the Holy Spirit.

I am currently concerned about my academic success, and have two assignments left to complete. I am in so much desperation that these papers would not jeopardize my ability to go to grad school next year. I was given a purpose 10 years ago to come to America, to be used by Christ. This season has caused me much sorrow, apathy, and pain especially in academics. But even though I have failed a lot this season, I still hear the small voice. The voice of the Shepherd who calls my name, and calls me back to the flock! The shepherd calls me back to the purpose of being in America. I have a purpose to minister to the lives around me, and I can’t get lost in the swirling vortex of sin. I must press on! I must press on to finishing the semester hard.

Therefore as I put all my energy to finish the last leg of this season I pray that God would give me motivation, focus, and energy. I pray that God would allow this month off from school to be a productive, spiritually healthy, serving, and loving month. I want to get this stuff done, with no regrets, putting my full effort into the things I need to accomplish. It is so hard to find motivation, strength, and energy when you do not live in a dorm of 90 guys who are trying to mature in Christ.

However, I did know that the habits I would have in college would carry into my future. I carry a very strong spiritual discipline of getting up early in the morning and spending time with God. I do not want to lose that, and it has been rarely seen since I've lived in this new city.

I look forward to a break from school. I hope I can relinquish that spiritual discipline to the great purpose it had in my life.