A Penis in God's Hand

Matt 24:36-37

            “But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only. For as were the days of Noah, so will be the coming of the Son of man.”

            Yes! I have a penis! Yes! When the tiny chromosomes in my mom’s womb collaborated with my dad’s sperm together, its genetic creativity provided with a piece of anatomy that I will never be ungrateful for. I don’t want to get ridiculously graphical because it can easily lead down roads unprofitable both for the writer and the reader but the reality is each human will bear either a penis or a vagina.

            Within the last decade or so sexuality has broadened its wingspan that it is impossible to not interact without sex becoming a part of a conversation. Whether its kids, love making, going to use a restroom, or even the typical getting contraception or women’s products. Sexuality has become the meat and potatoes of frequent conversations. Therefore as a young man aware of his sexuality, and a culture who’s daily interaction revolves around sex. What does one do or not do?

            For years many have said “Now remember use the right head to act on?” Some may be perplex by these comments, others repulse, or some simply snickering at the sexually implicit gesture. It is vital that a man chasing after Jesus learns this pretty soon, otherwise this decision-making truth could be the sinking-sand of his faith.

            But how does one learn this profound common sense gesture? A-hah! This is the crux of this letter. I know that Matt 24:36-37 is talking about the end of the world but I think you can also find more truth in it.

            The timing of God is very different then our own timing. And within that timing not only includes when Christ shall return, but for a single man, it means trusting God with my (or his and her) sexuality. It would be ignorant to think I am the only single guy who wakes up every morning with a boner and desires to go mate with the next object that has a pulse. The reality is if God has the end of the world figured out. The least I can do is learn to trust God with the sexual libido he has given me.

            I don’t want to finish so abruptly. I want to add just a couple things. First, trust is an emotional intentional action. I have to daily go to God, and say, “God I need you. I have sexual needs, but your sovereignty and love for you goes higher than what I believe I need to do.” But secondly, trust is a cognitive process of realizing that God has also provided us tools to learn how to trust him. For example, using our time wisely going and doing something productive and living in community. It can be easy to drive life through emotions and get into emotional car accidents. But allowing God to use your mind to steward your body, especially sexually can allow God to give you the wisdom to know how to take care of your body without losing righteousness.

A Deep Dark Secret

Job 5:19 “He will deliver you from six troubles in seven no evil shall touch you.”

Psalm 67

            “May God be gracious to us and bless us, and make his face to shine upon us, that your way be known on earth, your saving power among all nations. Let the people praise you, O God; let all people praise you! Let the nations be glad and sing for joy for you judge the people with equity and guide the nations upon earth. Let the nations be glad and sing for joy for you judge the people with equity and guide the nations upon earth. Let the people praise you, O God; let all the people praise you! The earth has yielded it increase; God, our God, shall bless us. God shall bless us; let all the ends of the earth fear him.”

Today is different. I like today because I sit hear interacting with the creator and his word. I am naked to his eyes because he is not blinded by any of man’s tricks. He is aware of all.

Within my heart I hold a very dark secret. A secret that for some can easily sense, but others are completely unaware. I am uncomfortable in my own skin. The secret runs deeper than just casual irritability. My discomfort drives me to desire a different city. A city this secret entails is a city that captures the eyes by its tall buildings, it people who have no time for frivolous conversations. It is a city that waits for nobody. It is a city full of flair, upbeat, and is lost!

Lost – what is lost?

Lost is a word which describes that one, one being a noun, this one has become unintentionally maybe intentionally fallen off the beaten track.  It’s capability to know Jesus is intangible. How can a lost city know Jesus in a more intimate level when so many have never been on the trail let alone aware of the trail.

Chicago has stolen my love and I do not know what to do. I care for the city genuinely. I even can look back, and see it in my mom’s eyes, how a part of her still lies in the city.

For a moment, I unveil my secret, but after this moment its gone. Will I find peace? Will God allow me the strength to live in such a city which is such a chaotic mess, even though I am a mess? Or will I live a life so far from a place that has captured my attention in the depth of my heart, where secrets are kept alive? 

To Look Forwards, Backwards, and Sideways

Pocahontas reflects and says, "He wants me to be steady. Like the River... But its not steady at all"

"What I love most about rivers is:
You can't step in the same river twice
The water's always changing, always flowing
But people, I guess, can't live like that
We all must pay a price
To be safe, we lose our chance of ever knowing
What's around the riverbend
Waiting just around the riverbend"

This next year, 2013 for me is full of amazing opportunities, and I am stoked to travel on that pathway of growth, change, success, and new adventures. I am excited to accomplish goals that are bigger then me. I look forward to what new doors will lead to. 

I have been spend some serious time reflecting on how my life experiences have got me to where I am. This reflection has help me realize some of the poor responses, and some of the great responses. I have come to the awareness that within my childhood there are many horrible traumatic experiences that lead me to believe certain lies. Within those lies I allow them to control some of my decision-making process.

- How do I reflect on allowing life to be times where it is rough, but adventurous? 
- How do I find peace in boring times of life?
- Where does fun fit in organization?

- How do I move forward without repeating the same bad patterns?
- How do I continue to embrace the new opportunities infront of me without embracing opportunities that might be unsatisfying
- What does it look like to conclude my academic career at this point in my life with peace?
- What does it look like to have goals now in this season, and long-term goals?

Messy Morning Routines...

My thoughts can come across really jumbled up. Therefore I am going to take sometime to sort through them.

First, It is true! I have made it to the end of another semester in grad school. Wowzers! Totally amazed, by God's strength, and encouragement through this semester.

Second, this has made me think, as the finish line of graduate school becomes more visible, how can I continue to work on weak areas in my life, like organization, and morning routines.

Today is Monday, and a brand new day. This morning I heard this song, and it made me really get so stoked, and the introduction reads,

"I wanna sing of Your love

Wanna sing of Your mercy

I wanna tell the whole world

Of the greatness of You"

I believe this is a wonderful place to start, with a heart exposing the love of God. Also, reconnecting with God will pull me forward into introducing what structure look like. God is sovereign, and is a person who has no anxiety over what tomorrow looks like. I want to be like him, fulfilling my life with peace. Today, I am drawn to the idea of finding a morning routine. For many, this is a way to introduce structure into the day. Maybe I will find structure? Maybe I will find a routine, but ultimately I want to find peace, and success!

I ponder over a website (http://lifehacker.com/5537478/top-10-ways-to-upgrade-your-morning-routine) about morning routines, and it challenged the reader, to try a routine, and then kind of edit to how a person naturally handles it.

So, I thought, hmmm. Let's see.

1. Laundry

2. Dishes

3. Paperwork/Mail Organization

4. Spiritual Time

5. Breakfast

6. Cardio

7. Shower

I wonder how this will look through the next following days. But I am inviting structure. Lets hope it will remove some of the anxiety that comes from living a messy life.

From the Inside Out

"A thousand times I've Failed...." the lyrics start for the song From The Inside Out, by Hillsong United. Many times, we try again and again doing it our way. We have had success in the past, but not quite as well as we have wanted so we try again. We take that one thousandeth, and twenty-nineth attempt to reach a higher level of success. However, this is what living a life of insanity is about, when time after time we try doing something, and we get the same results. This was what Einstein defined as Insanity.


A close friend and I decided to start reading the book The Search for Signifance by Robert S. McGee. I have actually read this book in the past. The first time was when I had taken my first counseling class in undergraduate. It really spoke powerful words into my life. I was a troubled sophomore hungry for the attention of my classmates, professors, and girls. I was always at the mercy of getting people's affirmation. I mean I was a sophomore. Soph coming from the greek word sophia meaning wisdom. Omore, coming from the greek word, morion meaning foolish. I was a wise fool. However, days have gone by, and I am at a different season of my life, but reading this book again.


This book is quite challenging. McGee writes, "We may refuse to look honestly within for fear of what we'll find, or we may be afraid that even if we can discover what's wrong, nothing can help us" (3, McGee). This book takes serious effort to explore difficult reasons a person is searching for significance. Many might not pay attention to their understanding of self-identity, but we all have an identity. A person's identity plays a primary role in being able to step off their own platform of epistemology into every experience of life.  Their identity gives them a lens of interpreting life.


Furthermore, this identity could be wrapped up in their job title, in their success, and more than likely in their abilities. The truth of those entitlements is that they tend to run out of substance, value, and consistency. Therefore a  person continues to search looking for something that will continue to have that same residual value that will contain their identity. But within this book it challenges the reader to find signifiance in something (or someone) that will not give up, have lack of sustainability, or even become an enemy.

McGee writes, "we begin to admit that we really do feel negatively about ourselves and have for along time" (pg. 7). This is ironic, because in this season of my life, I am combating loneliness. I am constantly fighting the notion that "what if..." I had a roommate, and "What if..." I was married, or in a long-term committed relationship, "what if..." I was at a party with friends then things would be different. The truth is that although this is a different season, with different symptoms, I am once again being reminded of an important notion. The only person's affirmation that matters is God's.


God has to change me from the Inside Out. 
God is changing me everyday. 
God is creating me to be a person who is sustain by his love, and affection.
God will be relentless for me. 


The song From the Inside Out continue by singing the words,
"Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame."


I have only finished the first chapter of this book, but I am already losing my self in God's love and adoration. He truly wants his son (me), and that is the only person that should ultimately matter whether he loves us. There are many great people out their, with great jobs, who have great abilities, but I am looking for a life of longevity. I find my contentment in the love of heavenly father who sent his beloved son so that I may encounter his love and affirmation on a daily basis. 


I will blog again (lord willing) when I finish the second chapter.
Led By Him,
Ephraim.

Moving Forward Onto BIG Dreams...

I remember as an 8,9, 10 year old being bullied, from every corner of the playground, every classroom. People would make fun of me because of my economic status of being poor, because i didnt were the trendy clothes, because i wasnt the smartest person in the room, or even the best looking. I remember how i let those thoughts trample my dreams and my hopes. How these young boys would harass and create great terror in my life. I always thought little of myself, and very little of what future i had. I think its quite ironic that as I face the stage in bodybuilding, im working through those fears. I am allowing the mirror to represent the truth of how far I have come from the 100lb guy i was when i first moved to states. I share this on Alex's page, because i think we all have a story to share. Im not intimated by those in the gym. I just know that I have a goal, and i am going to work my a** off to get there. Dont ever let anyone tell you different. It really doesnt matter what is in the past. Allow yourself time to forgive your enemies, and move onto the great things in front of yourself. David writes in his book of psalms, that God wants to give us the desires of our heart. I desire to win! I desire to conquer my weakness, even it means doing legs 3x a week. I promise you this, if there's a will, there's a way. Thanks for letting me share :)

Fear, Anxiety, Intimidation, are few of the traps one must avoid. This is a must because of many reasons. Fears allow the self to believe that there is insufficient quantity to pass the goal intended. Anxiety paralyzes the body to move forward. Intimidation creates the idea that one is unequal then another. Therefore these all fit into a category of unnecessary.

However, we live in a world where many are consumed by these traps. I would speculate to call them negative feedback loops. However, they get people stuck, and unable to move on, and the loop can consume someone's day. Therefore hope, rationality, and controversy must be brought to their attention. A person must find its weakness, the ability to defuse the bomb at hand. While the opportunity is provided to grow in more fear, anxiety, and intimidation, the person must find skill in passing through the difficult situation.

When I was a freshman in high school, I had a demeaning job of a paper route. I remember one day I was having a rough day at school, and afterwards I had to do a paper route. While I was peddling away up a sturdy hill, some musical words started simmering out of my mouth. I started to sing... "Open the eyes of my heart Lord, I want to see you!.... Open the eyes of my heart Lord, I want to see you!"

This season in my life has continue to challenge me in various ways. The anxiety has become overwhelming, and seemingly unbearable. However, the truth comes down to the fact that I need to trust God. I need to ask him to open my heart. That I may have a slight moment where I am able to see his strength and courage. It may be a moment where I feel at peace with my life, or a moment where God has got me excited to move forward. This I think answers the question at hand. What is the weakness of Anxiety? The truth is to embrace it and find humility in asking God for peace.

Peter walked on water, and so can I, and so can you.... whoever you are my reader. I hope this brought encouragement