From the Inside Out

"A thousand times I've Failed...." the lyrics start for the song From The Inside Out, by Hillsong United. Many times, we try again and again doing it our way. We have had success in the past, but not quite as well as we have wanted so we try again. We take that one thousandeth, and twenty-nineth attempt to reach a higher level of success. However, this is what living a life of insanity is about, when time after time we try doing something, and we get the same results. This was what Einstein defined as Insanity.


A close friend and I decided to start reading the book The Search for Signifance by Robert S. McGee. I have actually read this book in the past. The first time was when I had taken my first counseling class in undergraduate. It really spoke powerful words into my life. I was a troubled sophomore hungry for the attention of my classmates, professors, and girls. I was always at the mercy of getting people's affirmation. I mean I was a sophomore. Soph coming from the greek word sophia meaning wisdom. Omore, coming from the greek word, morion meaning foolish. I was a wise fool. However, days have gone by, and I am at a different season of my life, but reading this book again.


This book is quite challenging. McGee writes, "We may refuse to look honestly within for fear of what we'll find, or we may be afraid that even if we can discover what's wrong, nothing can help us" (3, McGee). This book takes serious effort to explore difficult reasons a person is searching for significance. Many might not pay attention to their understanding of self-identity, but we all have an identity. A person's identity plays a primary role in being able to step off their own platform of epistemology into every experience of life.  Their identity gives them a lens of interpreting life.


Furthermore, this identity could be wrapped up in their job title, in their success, and more than likely in their abilities. The truth of those entitlements is that they tend to run out of substance, value, and consistency. Therefore a  person continues to search looking for something that will continue to have that same residual value that will contain their identity. But within this book it challenges the reader to find signifiance in something (or someone) that will not give up, have lack of sustainability, or even become an enemy.

McGee writes, "we begin to admit that we really do feel negatively about ourselves and have for along time" (pg. 7). This is ironic, because in this season of my life, I am combating loneliness. I am constantly fighting the notion that "what if..." I had a roommate, and "What if..." I was married, or in a long-term committed relationship, "what if..." I was at a party with friends then things would be different. The truth is that although this is a different season, with different symptoms, I am once again being reminded of an important notion. The only person's affirmation that matters is God's.


God has to change me from the Inside Out. 
God is changing me everyday. 
God is creating me to be a person who is sustain by his love, and affection.
God will be relentless for me. 


The song From the Inside Out continue by singing the words,
"Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame."


I have only finished the first chapter of this book, but I am already losing my self in God's love and adoration. He truly wants his son (me), and that is the only person that should ultimately matter whether he loves us. There are many great people out their, with great jobs, who have great abilities, but I am looking for a life of longevity. I find my contentment in the love of heavenly father who sent his beloved son so that I may encounter his love and affirmation on a daily basis. 


I will blog again (lord willing) when I finish the second chapter.
Led By Him,
Ephraim.